raze/rise

i have a day to myself, i got off work and came straight home even though my soul screams out to find a park, a secret getaway to just breath and be in.

yet here i am, in my home box, soul aching and tired

thinking about the things i should be doing

dreaming about the things i could be doing

aching because i am hungry

and tired

but i don’t even want to take the time to find myself food

and unwilling to squander the last 30 minutes of daylight on a nap,

as if i were even out there experiencing it.

i look around at my house in disarray

it has been this way for years, yet i hate it

my mind feels so clouded, and i wonder which came first, the stuff or the mental brokenness

i feel as though they leave together,

slowly these mountains i move

yet valleys are not only between them, no

they are riddled within them

everywhere i turn it seems i am complacently or kickingly sitting within another valley, wondering how the hell i will trick myself into finding the will to climb the walls or raze them.

i lack direction, but more importantly i seem to lack passion.

so if this is nothing else, let it be a portal for that fiery feeling welling up within my soul, a reason, a belief, some fire to advance my ever decaying path.

my greatest fear, i believe, would be to pass on from this body without ever having actualized my potential. so please, self, universe, all that is excited and good, help me find my luminous path, so that i may truly live.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s