i have a day to myself, i got off work and came straight home even though my soul screams out to find a park, a secret getaway to just breath and be in.
yet here i am, in my home box, soul aching and tired
thinking about the things i should be doing
dreaming about the things i could be doing
aching because i am hungry
but i don’t even want to take the time to find myself food
and unwilling to squander the last 30 minutes of daylight on a nap,
as if i were even out there experiencing it.
i look around at my house in disarray
it has been this way for years, yet i hate it
my mind feels so clouded, and i wonder which came first, the stuff or the mental brokenness
i feel as though they leave together,
slowly these mountains i move
yet valleys are not only between them, no
they are riddled within them
everywhere i turn it seems i am complacently or kickingly sitting within another valley, wondering how the hell i will trick myself into finding the will to climb the walls or raze them.
i lack direction, but more importantly i seem to lack passion.
so if this is nothing else, let it be a portal for that fiery feeling welling up within my soul, a reason, a belief, some fire to advance my ever decaying path.
my greatest fear, i believe, would be to pass on from this body without ever having actualized my potential. so please, self, universe, all that is excited and good, help me find my luminous path, so that i may truly live.