i feel as though i am being torn asunder from every direction, in multiple ways, from within my own skin. i am forced to make decisions, observing each pull against the other and deciding which is the most efficient to my end. this brings on the great question of what my intent should be. i feel as though i must alienate myself in order to truly define myself, or discover what is already there and put it into some cognitive translation of my findings. can i continue to accept the help of those i rely on all too readily, allowing myself a crutch in order to escape the inevitable for a little longer? must i reshape my relationships or cut them out altogether, and to which must i assign each action. there is yet much consideration for me to take, and it seems the pull towards it grows stronger by the days; a impetus i have ignored long enough that i seem to be propelling to my aloneness at a seemingly self destructive rate. and maybe that is all i need in this moment, a destruction of self so that i may recreate my being exactly as it suits me, each piece serving a purpose, if the purpose is no other than to simply invite glee into a moment.