Have you ever tried something that you didn’t become bored with? I don’t seem to have focus, nothing traps me for long. I would like to be focused, to see things through, but what is worthy of that kind of determination? Even growth halts from time to time.
I am caught within cycles which yank me this way and that before I can ever develop within a practice. Am I the one causing the cycles? Likely somewhat, though I still feel I am caught within others’.
I have moments of indecision…far more than would be considered healthy, yet the moments where nothing is decided can be so lovely, unbound from all of the little cords that come with each decision we make.
I used to think my life was all about letting go- and it has been for some time…but it also seems to be trying to teach me a lesson in grounding…I’ve become so good at flapping my wings. And honestly, I think learning to balance the letting go and the decision to hold on to this particular thing/idea/person is what is really going on, as I find reasons to fight every decision I make, and reasons to stay hidden in my bedroom when all I want to do is be out there, on some mountain melting into the landscape.